I think at this point I am not sure if I have truely been able to practice Ahimsa in setting up a blog . This will be my third attempt to write my first post on this blog. Being that the other 2 posts have disappeared and left me close to tears after working on them for over 5 hours… It has stirred up memories from college, of losing a very important term paper. ( Perhaps this a lesson in not making samskara of this instead ? )
“Confidence is simply that quiet, assured feeling you have before you fall flat on your face.” -dr. l. binder
Ahimsa (Sanskrit: अहिंसा; IAST: ahisā, Pāli: avihinsā) is a term meaning to do no harm (literally: the avoidance of violence – hinsa). The word is derived from the Sanskrit root hims – to strike; hinsa is injury or harm, a-hinsa is the opposite of this, i.e. non harming ornonviolence.Non violence.
I had just arrived home from my recent travels when I discovered my iPhone was missing.
I tried to retrace my steps and made a call to my mum to see if I had left it in her car . I needed the numbers for the airport and the co op.
This is when I discovered my internet had been turned off and my other phone was not working well and I could not even look up numbers to places I had been. I tried 411 and it gave me the wrong numbers.
Then when I did finally get the numbers the co op closed and the airline only had a an online form you could fill out for lost or stolen property…. AHHHHHHHHH
When I remembered that my phone had a tracking device. I sadly realized I could not use it with the internet turned off.. It dawned on me that their would be no tracking the phone and ‘find iphone’ app would not work until the internet had been turned back on.
As the irritation of a long day and an empty belly I began to slowly raise in temperature slightly.
The only way to use the find iPhone app was to use the internet.
I was on the phone with comcast 20 mins…30 mins…45 mins….trying to resolve this in my mind imagining that the phone was gone and sailing farther and farther away.
I was angry at myself for being absent minded and losing the phone.
I was angry at comcast for being a very frustrating system to use.
I was angry that no one had paid the cable bill and I was having to deal with it after a long day of travel.
I was angry that my roommate would not help me and OMG this was a crisis !!!!!!
I was angry that the damn yoga homework that was to further investigate ahimsa and I was clearly failing !
I felt like one of those cartoon characters with red cheeks and steam coming out of their ears.
Where was this getting me ? All the times I used ‘violent’ behavior, nothing was solved and I hurt myself and others with my stress, panic attacks and rage.
It was only after I composed myself and starting problem solving that things began to improve. My calm captain friend Cathy talked me down and stayed on the phone for a bit… I told her about ahimsa and how I was in opposite land, but at least had awareness..
I went to my office to use the internet. Found the phone through the iphone app. Realized it had been taken or stolen. Reached out to my facebook peeps and figured out I could call the police. I was so intrigued by the technology of a phone tracker that I begin forgot my rage.
The cops were sort of useless, but as the hour neared midnight I surrendered. The phone was gone.
Be present. Be calm. Go to bed.
I had my bouts of anger the next day, I was angry at the ‘damn kids’ (that is who I decided had stolen my phone). A little angry at the cops, cause my phone was at this apartment complex and they couldn’t go door to door.
But again, what good was this anger doing me ? Just giving me a stomach ache and making me in to bad Alicia.
Remembering that I had put a nice message on my phone and whoever had taken it would or would not return it and that was their bad karma… I had put good thoughts in to the universe… It was just a damn phone and no one was dying… Sa la vie.
I had a surprisingly good day. I didn’t fixate on the phone all day like I normally would.
Then low and behold my other phone rang with my iphone calling. Someone had my phone and for a reward I could have it back. Slightly annoyed and genuinely grateful I headed to our meeting point.
On arrival I saw a familiar face and everything came together.
I had supported the work of the gentleman, who there waiting for me, the night before at the co op and I must have dropped my phone. No damn kids. No theif. Just my klutzy tired self.
I met James and his wife Rochelle and in gratitude. We laughed about my phone and how they couldn’t figure out how to use it and how stupid ‘smart’ phones were. Rochelle thought she had taken pictures of herself and was tripped out.
Laughter. peace. ahimsa.
Maybe it all worked. A reminder that I know so very little.
In gratitude to James and the universe. Thank you. xo